Cloudy Head In An Older Age

If I would’ve been warned
that getting older
wasn’t just about aging,
saying goodbye to youth, energy, supple skin & innocence,
but that it means
piles upon piles upon piles of
disappointment, regret, and
that everything that would’ve been
shrugged off
is now so heavy, so serious,
because we know there aren’t
always 2nd chances;
we know we aren’t special.
If I would’ve been properly warned,
I wouldn’t have signed up for this.



Ode To Video Recording (You interviewed Nina Simone, Daniel Johnston, and Charles Bukowski, for this I thank you)

tonight I give my thanks to the invention of video recording,
specifically for the use of interviews.
for the use of people talking about themselves,
explaining themselves,
sharing themselves with their unknown viewers.

I feel especially thankful
because in the past couple days
I have watched 3 brilliant artists
explain themselves
share themselves
with me
even though we’ve never met.
And because they have shared themselves
their ideas
their lives, as difficult as they may have been,
I feel a belonging. I belong here right now
in my body,
living my life,
because I am doing what they have done.
They lived life,
pursued their passions
and lived to share it,
I am living my life,
pursuing my passions
I am learning to share them.

The 3 brilliant artists I am referring to are:
Nina Simone
Daniel Johnston
Charles Bukowski.

Although I have read some Bukowski,
have heard of Johnston,
and have listened to and adored Simone for many years,
I have not known much about any of them,
nor have I heard them speak,
I had not seen their faces
with their mouths
speak with their voices
saying whatever it is that their minds
felt the need to form into words and sentences.

The following 3 films brought on this gratitude and my sense of belonging.
I thank:
Bukowski: Born Into This (2003)

The Devil And Daniel Johnston (2005)

Nina Simone Live At Ronnie Scott’s (1985)
(after watching the following clip, watch the full video is here.)


Response to Altered States, A Night of Video Art at Little Mountain Gallery

Cycling across town
in the cold dark night
with my girlfriend
crisp cutting air reviving
to arrive for a night of video work
by a variety of artists,
one who I know
which is how I know
about the evening.
At a little gallery (mountain)
in an old neighbourhood of mine
… lost years, years I lost my connection to my gut…

tonight the heat isn’t on
though it may never be
what’s important, though, is watching these videos
between the viaduct
throat singing
eerie singing
again, done differently, again, done differently
silent gradients
spokes, floating, circles,
but more than anything – film strip motorcycles laying in silence
it was all so powerful (It’s OK What’s Going to Happen Right Now)
I belonged in those 6 minutes
to something that had achieved greatness
I imagined Scorcese sitting there, in wonder,
immediately signing the creator to his next big project –
such vision, such enthralling, if abstract narrative.
I was told that this is the first time it has been shown in Canada
(created in Malaysia)
so it may not be found on YouTube or Vimeo or those places
but if it is, I’ll let you know.

I love seeing what people are making
even if I don’t like it
(but tonight I did, much of it!)
it still inspires me
the creativity
the dedication
taking an idea and seeing it through
working through self doubt
working when life prevents it
then taking the work
and working at getting it shown.

Please visit alteredstatesvideos.blogspot.com for more information on the artists and the videos that inspired me tonight.


Surpassing The Level Of Jerk and Asshole

douchebags, douchebags, why do you exist,
like mosquitoes you piss me off,
like taxes you drain me dry,
why do you exist, douchebags, why?

I’m not afraid to say
if given the option, I’d wipe your kind clean
off the face of this earth, polished
douchebags, you’re abolished!



Learning to.
I’m learning to.
I’m learning to.
I’m learning to step, I’m learning to shuffle.
I’m learning to walk again.
I’m learning to (1)
I’m learning to (1)
I’m learning to (2)
I’m learning
I’m learning
I’m learning to (1)
I’m learning to (2)
I’m learning to (3)
I’m learning
I’m leaning
I’m learning
I’m weaving
I’m learning to (2)
I’m learning to (3)
I’m learning to (2)

I’m new.
I’m new.
I’m new but I can only be new for so long.
I’m new
I’m new
I’m new but new only lasts for so long.
I’ve got to learn
to no longer be new
though its safer when new
because everyone pulls their punches
I’m new
I’m new
Maybe I’m new no longer.
I’ve been at this for 3 and a half years…
Or has it only been 2 weeks?

Was it 2 weeks ago I learned to walk?
Then why did my friends and family recently
celebrate my 34 years of life?

I’m learning
but I forget so easily
I’m learning
but I distract so easily
I’m learning
but I lose belief so easily.