Fear: it’s kinda dumb

“It’s okay to be rejected,” he says now. “Not everybody is going to like you. And once you see it in front of you, you can say, ‘Well, that’s kinda dumb.'” Until he was able to do that, however, “it was this bogeyman, this unnamed thing.” His therapist helped by pointing out that the worst possible outcome wasn’t really bad at all. Eric might not get the business, but he would at least have introduced his name. “You’re there because you’re supposed to be there,” Eric came to realize. “It’s not like you’re breaking into somebody’s house.”

– article on fear by Josh Dean, GQ, Nov 2012


Depression Kills

The pain
I’m choked up, I can’t see.
I can’t think I don’t know what to say
because your pain surpasses mine
All the hurt I never wanted anyone to experience,
you are so many layers deeper than that.

I’m scared shitless for you
They say I need to look out for myself
but who will look out for you?
You aren’t.

People hurt all the time,
we don’t understand why life is cruel,
why bad things happen to good people.
But what do you do when everything is wrong,
when nothing is right,
you see only loss. Obstacles. Pointlessness.

We talk. I think there’s progress,
but it only ends up like the small chocolate –
a short respite.

Your depression is killing you.
You believe there is nothing you can do – to see a counselor costs money that you don’t have.
Do we just wait it out?
“It won’t always be like this,” you say.
How long is always I wonder.
Because your depression is killing you,
bringing you down into utter helpless anguish,
your depression is killing me,
it’s torturing to me to see you like this.