Inspired by Japandroids “Young Hearts Spark Fire”
holy fuck why the fuck am I such a fucking idiot thinking that I can actually design a business when I’m too scared too chicken shit to even design the interface I could barely draw a circle of colour the other night goddamn don’t wanna put it out there because of intellectual property well its okay because I don’t have quite the right intellect mine’s all wrapped up in feeling inadequate small dick syndrome too average maybe below average I’m so sorry that i look better on the outside because inside it’s just dark and confused and inadequate and unsure and sad oh boo hoo for me right?
fuck I suck.
I suck because I should’ve never switched my direction from 18 i should’ve just stayed the prairie boy who liked to draw and be quiet and look at girls from afar but never try because I was too limpwristed rather than travel and meet people and aspire to be those people, those people who know what aubergines are and how to eat rare steak when mine was always always well done. more well done than well done. fuck trying to be international trying to be refined fuck it fuck trying to be unique. What’s YOUR unique selling proposition? mine is being a miserable whiny little artist boy whose art is actually subpar, it’s really just a spewing of inner turmoil that no one will ever care about but me, except on the days when I hate myself and think my shit sucks. which is more often than not.
I’ve gone off the tracks and now I’m on the wrong side of the country and it’s all gone wrong and i’m trying to convince myself that I can run a business but really I’m just fooling myself as I’ve been fooling myself for years, trying to be a husband even twice but neither time worked out did it because even though I try to blame it on her saying she lost interest, it was me all along I can’t stand myself at the best of times, how can I expect someone to live with me when I’m quiet and a loner and I just want to be left alone but then when I want attention I want attention and if you don’t give it to me i’m going to sink in to deeper depression and no, of course I won’t ask for what I want because I wasn’t ever taught that that’s important, I was always just taught to care for others, like my mom always always always always said she always thinks of my and my brother first not herself so despite always thinking that was disgustingly selfless I have taken on those same genes and it’s doing nothing but crippling me, stuck in between a selfless mom and a limpwristed, passive aggressive depressed dad who freaked out and couldn’t commit and let his family name get changed (I mean, how the fuck do you let that happen?!?!!?) that’s who I am that’s who I’ve become because I’m too weak to make it otherwise
so now that I have this grande idea and its coming down crumbling around me, I have nothing but my ability to type to comfort me as I await the next victim of my loving attention.
The previous, is of course, just an artistic representation of what may be happening in some person’s life at some point in time at some point on earth. No one and nothing said therein have any basis on reality. Really, I mean, come on. As if.